Cheer mom needs advice...HELP!

Date: Mon Jul 17 12:55 PM, 2006

Cheer mom needs advice...HELP!

Date: Mon Jul 17 1:18 PM, 2006

Cheer Mom,

This just recently happened at Motions, so I'm going to guess that you are speaking of our program.

Please speak with myself or one of the coaches. We want everyone to be happy but we also want to make sure our teams are as competitive as possible. I believe that with the change we made we have done so. However, I am definitely open to any ideas or suggestions you may have.

408-451-9037
nelson@cheergyms.com

Nelson de Dios
Gym Director
Motions Cheerleading Gym

Date: Mon Jul 17 2:58 PM, 2006

Nelson-
Yes, she is at Motions. But what I am trying for here is to not have to go to you with this and complain, but to help her deal with it. I'm hoping that she can see herself as a role model for the younger ones eventually, but at the moment she doesn't want to see the bright side of anything.
So again, if anyone has any sage words...I'm all ears!

Date: Mon Jul 17 3:46 PM, 2006

We are in the same situation, and no we are not a part of Cheergyms. I also am trying to boost my childs ego by telling her she is going to be one of the best on her team and that her coach needs her to help show the others with less experience how to "work it" This is the first time that my child has ever talked about not wanting to cheer. I am ok with her not cheering as I myself prefer other sports, but she is not the type to give up but it is hard to see her spirit bent so early in the season. I am sure other parents have had to deal with this, so please any POSITIVE help would be great. I don't need the comments about sucking it up, or if you don't like ti go somewhere else. Much Thanks

Date: Mon Jul 17 4:55 PM, 2006

I use to direct a program and placing kids can be very difficult. Even more so when a change has to be made. I think talking to the coach and director is the best first step. The best advice given to me is "when you are frustrated or upset about something, it is probably because you haven't communicated to someone about something". That being said, talk to the director and coach and get some more insight into the decision if you need to.

Now as a mom, I know it is so challenging to pump our kids up. Sometimes we are the last person they want to hear from. Maybe the coach and director should talk to her one on one about it more. Our kids look up to the coaches and words of encouragement from them mean alot. If the coach knows how she feels, they will be able to tune into it more and gently nudge her into a leadership role on the team.

Also, give her time to adjust. Definitely communicate communicate communicate. Than give it time to see how she is doing in a couple of weeks.

Hope some of that helps.

Date: Mon Jul 17 9:31 PM, 2006

I wanted to give my thoughts on this topic. I can definetly see or understand the feelings that your cheerleader might be having. The best advice that I can give is to ask the coaches what role your daughter will have on the team. I don't know Nelson that well but I do know that he definetly has a end product for each team in mind and would be more than willing to discuss it with you just like any other director should.

Sometimes the kids only see the negatives and the not the positives of the situation. I can assume that feeding into the negativity will only make her more frustrated so why don't you set goals for her to achieve. The most important part of cheerleading is learning to work as a team and support one another.

This season we are challanged with the same scenario. We have two junior teams. One a level 4/5 team and the other a level 2 team. The level 2 team has some younger girls and they have been some of the older girls that have felt like they are not going to be challanged due to the age of the youngins on the team. When I spoke to the girls I explained it as such: There are Senior teams that have 18 yr olds and 12 year olds on it. That is a 6 year difference. On the Junior team they are only dealing with a 3 year difference. It needs to be put into perspective. As well, let me ask you this, would your daughter feel the same way if the younger kids on the team were standing up full twisting layouts and triple toe backs? Maybe it is not the age of her teammates but the skill level. If that is the case I will admit that many skills are learned in the summer months. Also it is often difficult when a child is what I call borderline. Meaning you could use them in either spot on different teams. On one team she would be on the lower end of the ability level and on another the higher.

To sum things up, ultimately Nelson and the other coaches have the best intrest of the gym and the kids in mind. Goodluck to you and your daughter and I look forward to seeing Motions on the floor this season!

Date: Mon Jul 17 9:35 PM, 2006

What about 10 to 12 year age differences, we have alot of that

Date: Mon Jul 17 9:41 PM, 2006

So do you mean you have 8yr olds with 18yr olds? That seems a little extreme?

Date: Mon Jul 17 9:59 PM, 2006

As a mom of a kid on the team that I believe you are talking about, I am sad to hear that your daughter does not feel happy about the team placements, but I do hope that if she is as disciplined as you say she is that she will be able to be a team leader. I think all the kids would welcome a leader and someone to really keep them in line when they are goofing off.

Please tell her not to write off the team as non-competitive before the season has even begun. I think all of these kids have cheered for at least a year or more and I know that at least my child, if not all, is motivated and will step into gear as competition season approaches. In the meantime, I hope that your daughter has the type of personality that can really unite the team and bring out that competitive spirit that will make the team stronger.

Date: Mon Jul 17 11:09 PM, 2006

I completely agree with "Sad to hear," negativity like gossip can spread like wildfire.

From my experiences at Motions last year, I know that there were times were my smaller team felt second rate to our amazing larger co-ed team. However, as the season wore on, as a team and as individuals, we began to see our "cons" grow into "pros." We grew closer as individuals, found confidence, comfortability, and pride in ourselves and one another.

I also feel that I can attribute a large portion of our success to our coach's uniformity in the way he treated each of his teams. Regardless of our size and level, we could always count on him to instill the same expectations and work ethic.

To "Mom of unhappy cheerleader," I understand that this is an expensive activity (I worked three jobs during a significant injury to pay for it) and that it is time consuming (commuting and giving up at least 5 hours a week on top of hw and college applications) - a high price for what can potentially be an "unhappy" seasom, however, I feel that it's unfair to brand the year as "wasteful" - purely because the season is too new - there's not much to bond over, goals are still abstract and there isn't a goal to work towards.
As an older child, I think this year is a good time for her to build her leadership and communications skills, I know she'll grow as a competitor (as she expects), but she should definitely take this oppportunity to grow as a person.

Hope the viewpoint helps,

Kimmie Hoang
Motions Alumni

Date: Tue Jul 18 7:40 AM, 2006

Since we are on the subject of unhappy cheerleaders, let me tell you about the unhappy one’s at our gym and why. Favoritism. The coaches have their favorites and the others can see it loud and clear. This is hurtful and sets a bad tone in the gym. Some of the kids have already quit and others are on the boarder. The coaches need to encourage ALL the cheerleaders not just their favorites.
Because of this, the kids that are favored feel superior to the rest and act that way. They shun the rest of the team. This is going to hurt the team as a whole and in the end, the performance of the team.
Coaches, you need to stop the favoritism and treat all the kids the same.

Date: Tue Jul 18 10:03 AM, 2006

Thanks for the replies!
I am going to meet with Nelson. We want her to better understand how she will be an asset to her team and how it will benefit her.

I really hope we can get her attitude in a sunnier place because I think she could have a lot of fun on this team.
I am thinking maybe privates to spotlight tumbling may bring up her enthusiasm?

I hope you all realized that when I wrote that the team "won't be competitive" that it was not my opinion, but the dramatic concern of an adolescent. No negative rumors!!

Date: Tue Jul 18 5:07 PM, 2006

From another Motions Mom...

As we all know, cheer coaches are incredible at adapting to change. However, the rest of us (both kids and adults) are not usually that good at it. So I think coaches need to take this into account when first having all the kids practice together for a month, then splitting them into teams, and then rearranging the teams again. But being cheerleaders, our kids will adapt as they always do when last minute changes are required right before a competition due to illness or injury.

I can only say I wish I had the ability to adapt to change as easily as Nelson and Nikki do!

Date: Thu Jul 20 11:16 AM, 2006

Maybe it is the season? My daughter is also talking about quitting. We have talked to everyone and they have explained their positions and we simply don't agree with the way they are doing things. After 6 years of cheering, my daughter is seriously considering quitting and I am pretty heartbroken. Her situation is being made to be on a team she does not want to be on, in order to be allowed to stay on the team she does. As she was on this team last year, it is frustrating. I feels as if she is being used to further the needs of the club, without any consideration about her needs. She feels as if she isn't valued, and she is wiped out and hurt. Uh, I guess this is just a rant, sorry. Anyone else in a similar situation? I know at our gym there are at least 3 girls in this position and considering leaving. It sucks, as they were doing really well on the team they like.

Date: Thu Jul 20 11:23 AM, 2006

Ok, a child being forced to be on two teams is totally uncalled for. I don't think any kid should be "bribed" to allow the gym to USE HER. That is NOT cool and as a parent, I personally would walk into the office of that owner and tell them that she is quitting the team she doesn't want to be on and that's that. If they need her as badly as it seems, then nothing will happen. That is poor judgement on the gyms part. I would bet top dollar that this is a small gym who needs kids. But that's NOT the way to go about it!!!!

Date: Thu Jul 20 11:58 AM, 2006

Just want to throw out a different perspective, as I have a similar situation this year. I have 5 young ladies who are pretty talented kiddos, and on an appropriate skill team at their age level. But, they are crossovers onto a team that is 1 skill level and 1 age level "up" from their "real" team, and that is so we can max out the older team numbers-wise. (Most of the crossovers are not flyers on the upper team, so not going into that can of worms!) That upper team doesn't "need" them to compete, but these girls LOVE to cheer and have great attitudes and work ethic, so allowing them to compete with older, more advanced girls is a PRIVILEGE and a REWARD for their good attitudes and hard work on their age-appropriate team.

If one of these young ladies were to come to me and say, "I don't want to compete on the (my-age, my-skill) team, I only want to compete on the (up-an-age, up-a-level) team," I would say "too bad, so sad, it's both or your age and skill appropriate team only. You're on the upper team as a privilege, it is not your main team." If they were to quit over it, so be it. Owners and coaches can't run good programs if cheerleaders can just demand where to be placed or threaten to quit. Also, it may be that your daughter is on the team to help sharpen skills in a certain area (leadership, teachnique review, maybe she's a flyer and wouldn't be on the other team, etc.). Not saying this is the situation the PP mentioned, just throwing out a small gym owner's perspective on it...

Date: Thu Jul 20 12:35 PM, 2006

And I do agree with you. But if the child is being forced to move DOWN a level just to appease numbers, that is innapropriate. But we both agree. That mom needs to step in and talk to the coaches and owner.

Date: Thu Jul 20 4:23 PM, 2006

You must be one of the directors of the gym my child goes to. If I hear take it or leave it one more time I think I might just scream! When you sign a contract thinking your child is going to be on one team due to age or skill, then rules change or coaches kids want a specific spot .... that sucks! I will not be forced to love it or leave it. I am paying YOU. There should be a middle ground. What is more important, molding a young child in to a good sport and awesome cheerleader or getting a @20.00 trophy to put on YOUR wall so that you can tell all the new people how great we are. Grow up it is only cheerleading, stop acting like the children who I am paying you to teach. Again just my opinion - love it or leave it

Date: Thu Jul 20 4:37 PM, 2006

Well said Holy Heck!!! I bet many other parents and kids reading this will agree this type of treatment has to stop. It is crap that we are forced to "love it or "leave it"!! We are SICK of it. We sign a contract and expect it to stick. Boy if we as parents don't hold up our end of the contract, well just say., that is unacceptable!! So why do gym owners feel they are any better than us and can just do whatever the heck they want, anytime and we are just supposed to say, oh well.... We BOTH need to hold up our agreements.
Hopefully gym owners will read this and realize what they are doing in some cases and how unfair it can be to everyone involved. WE PAY YOU!!! We are the customer and customers should be HAPPY. Please remember that.... and if you choose to continue to keep messing with kids and their self esteem... etc.... word will get around and your numbers and reputations eventually will go down... it will catch up someday, trust me.

Date: Thu Jul 20 5:30 PM, 2006

I have to say, I have been involved with competitive cheer for 5 years and competitive baseball for 13 years and I have to tell you that it doesn't matter what sport you are in, or how much you are paying for it, you and/or your child will not always be happy with placement or playing time. Most competitive sports organizations are going to do what they think is best for their program to be successful. That is what brings them business and keeps them in business is how successful they are. They really don't care if you think you should be on a different team, or playing a different position, or playing ahead of someone else. It's not fair and may not seem right because as you said "you are paying them", but you are paying them for their knowledge and ability to put a quality product on the floor or field and if your child is not fitting where "YOU OR YOUR CHILD" thinks they should then you probably need to look elsewhere for a different program that better fits your expectations of where your child needs to be.

I have been in a small gym and now am at a large gym and every year my daughter is not initially happy with her team and wishes she were on one of the other teams. She is a good level 4 cheerleader, and wants to be level 5 but is just not there yet. This year she is on a level 3/4 team and feels she should be on the level 5 since a lot of the girls on that team have her same abilities and were on her team last year. I told her that she needs to stay with where they put her. She will be one of the stronger skilled girls on the team and can be a leader. She also can work at her advanced skills at her own pace instead of being pushed to get them before she is ready. Then next year she should have a good shot at the level 5 team.

All of us as parents need to step back and take ourselves out of it. I know that is extremely hard, if not impossible, especially since we are writing HUGE checks for this! But try and find a positive to the situation as I have tried to do with my daughter. They won't see it at first, but I can say that my daughter has stuck it out on her teams every year and by the end of the season she always has fun and her teams win more times than they don't and the smile on her face when their team name is called as a National Champion makes her forget that she ever questioned her placement all those months ago.

What message are we sending young people if we tell them it is ok to quit something they started and committed to because they aren't where they want to be? They need to learn that life is always going to be that way, and the sooner they learn how to make it work, the better off they will be! You are not always going to like your job, or your boss, or your coworkers and someone will surely get promoted before you or get something you felt you were just as qualified to have. It is how you handle those disappointments that makes you a stronger person and the earlier we learn that the easier life will be!