I have been reading a lot of the comments on this website, along with listening to many chit chat sessions at the gym, and I haven't made any comments...until now.
There is talk of all the drama involved in cheerleading. I always thought the meaning of that comment was due to the fact of the various ages of the kids (primarily girls) and how each age is dealing with different aspects of their lives. About how everything to a child is such a large issue to them, even if it is really something small. Well in the last 4 years that I have been directly involved with my children being involved in cheerleading, I have found that the "extreme drama" actually is NOT the kids, but the parents.
My kids got involved in cheerleading becuase it was something they really wanted to do. They wanted to learn all the neat stuff they saw on ESPN, have fun with a group of peers, etc. One of my kids has only minimal "skills", another has medium level "skills" and another has very advanced "skills". The one thing they have in common is they all are having a great time. THAT is the key, and that is what is being forgotton here. I could see (but not to say it is right) one child giving a negative comment to another, or being angry becuase another child finally is able to do a skill that this child has been working so hard to accomplish. That is natural for kids, and working as a team, with great coaches, will help these kids work through those types of issues. What really frustrates me is listening to adults talk negatively about another persons child, or critiquing what another persons child SHOULD be doing, or able to do. It gets me even more when the adults are the jealous ones and makes comments as to who is better than whom, especially when comparing to their own child!!! I have actually overheard parents speaking badly about my child(ren) when they are sitting at the gym while the kids are working out. I have also heard negative coments made about my child(ren) at competitions. That isn't iincluding the comments I have heard this same group of parents make about other children at the gym. It seems that if you aren't in the "popular group" of parents, there is total comparison done between their childs skills and your childs skills (whether "theirs is better than yours" or vice versa). I never in my life thought I would deal with adults who act younger than the kids.
What I see is it is "all about what the parents want". "Why isn't my child in that position", "Why isn't the coach working with my child to learn that skill", "My kid can do that better than that other kid". It is truly sad to listen to parents say these things, especially when it is in a group, where others can hear, including the parents of the children they make comments about. These same parents have not seemed to realize that these kids have heard some of these comments themselves, including my child. I listen to "it's not competitive enough", "why are we doing THAT competition". These are the deicions of the coaches and the gym we are involved in. Why are we spending so much money to allow our child to be part of this if we can't trust the coaches decisions? Sure, there have been a few occasions I didn't like something I saw....but I went directly to that coach and talked to them about it. We HAVE to have that trust and communcation....otherwise WHY would we entrust our children to be with them? We are lucky to have such great coaches for our children. Let's try and have a little more faith in them and just TALK to them when we have a problem or don't like something they say or do. All of the coaches will take a few minutes to speak with you if you just ask.
The main point here is these teams are about the kids. About how hard they all work, no matter how many times they are at the gym practicing, who is the most popular, how talented they are. The point is, I want my child to have fun. To enjoy what they do and want to be a part of it. A place where they can go and be a part of something great (no matter how advanced or novice the team is). This needs to STOP being a part of the parents dream and be the childs dream instead. I would rather hear the parents who come to the gym and sit and watch say positive things about the kids ALL the time. Talk about how maybe one of the other kids could help this one out with what they are trying to do, rather than "well if that one doesn't get their skill perfected, we aren't going to do well at competition". I'm like the rest of you, I love to see the smile on my childs face when they do well at competition, but I'm also willing to encourage them (and NOT blame it on someone on the team) if they don't do well. (and yes I have heard that also).
It just seems so much like high school....if you aren't part of the popular group (the parents that are always there), then you are talked about (along with your child). This doesn't apply to ALL the parents that just like to be there, but unfortunately, quite a few of them.
Sorry to be so direct, but I don't want my child to have to come home another time after some parent has made some rude comment to them (both directly and indirectly). Even though the parent(s) may think certain comments don't hurt a childs feelings....well they do. When a parent is being sarcastic to a child, don't underestimate that the child doesn't understand the true meaning of the comment. Just like we teach our kids, think about what you say before you say it. This is just concreted more when after the child gets out of earshot, that same parent makes comments behind their back, and I hear it (of course unknowingly to them).
ALL of these kids work way too hard to have to deal with other drama. They all show up for practices....work their little butts off...whether everyone seems to think so or not. None of them should be ridiculed because someone else feels they either spend too much time in the gym or not enough. Each kid works at a different pace. Let's just get back to THEM and help all the kids on all the teams to do their best and have a fantastic year.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! There needs to be more parent's like you around. I think most importantly that kids, coaches and parents should preach the TEAM aspect of the sport versus individual fame and attention. When your out there, its a TEAM and it promotes confidence as well as true team spirit. Cheer mom, that was a great post.
And in having this open communication that you have with the coach, you should be pointing these things out to the coaches and directors about these "parents". Sitting by and allowing this to happen is almost as bad as doing it. It is against the gym rules to behave in that manner. But if the coaches don't know about it, they can't stop it. But just like in HS, there will always be the parent (s) who can't stop and your child needs to learn that such is life. No one wants their child to be singled out but if they are, there is a real lesson there. As a parent, teach it. As a coach, stop it and as a team, support each other no matter the skill level. Yes we all want our kids to have fun..... but this is a competitive sport in EVERY level. No excuses for the parents who love to ruin it for others, but the kids learn to handle the bad with the good. And make sure you are 100% POSITIVE that the talk is about your child directly. Do now assume. We all know what happens there.
i agree with Mother of a Cheerleader completely! I am not a parent of a cheerleader, but a cheerleader herself. I have heard comments like that made about me by my bases parents. That i'm not riding a basket long enough before hitting my skill, i know that my flying may not be that good but i'd like to here critisism( constructive, of course) from my coach, not from parents. I've also heard bad comments made about decisions my coach made, and it's always by the same parents, and if your reading this(you know who you are) then i hope you now understand that it hurts, because if you are making mean comments then thats what your kid(s) are going to learn, to be mean, is that what you want? I hope not
What do parents know about All star Cheerledding anyways? It cant have been around long enough for many parents to know and have the experience of an all star. I know sure as heck that my mom does not know what "riding a basket and hitting your skill at the top" means.
in regards to Also's comment.......children do learn that they have to take the good with the bad....that is an everyday occurance at home, school, or just out in public and with all their day to day activities. I think you missed the point a little here (although I believe the kids that are affected by this that have responded hit it right on the nose!!!). I have actually confronted a few parents directly in regards to comments made about other kids and about my own (and yes....i am POSITIVE that which children the comments were about but would rather not sit here and name names as that would cause great havok amongts the parents and kids). In addition, coaches have made comments on occasion in regards to this extremely inmature behavior and how inappropriate it is. Unfortunately, like you say....there are some parents that "just can't stop". It is truly sad that you can not only have an adult....but they actually have a child of their own AND they can't STOP THEMSELVES from making comments to minors (as young as 6 or 7 years old?) You can explain to a child all you want about the big cruel world, and how there are people in it that can't control their behavior....but inappropriate comments will still hurt their feelings (and unfortunately I guess they do have to learn to deal with it). I guess I will just have to become the "school narc". EVERY TIME I hear a parent (no matter where we are...at the gym or at a public competition) make some rude comment in regards to one of the members of the gym....or point out the errors of any of the cheerleaders so that to make them look bad I will simply get up....confront them directly (and make sure there is a witness so as to not be accused of ASSUMING) AND go directly to the coach and report it. This is absolutely rediculous whether it is "real life" or a "competitive sport". As parents....GROW UP!!!
I completely agree with frusturated all star. What do these parents know anyways?? They think the know a lot because they hang around the gym ALL the time. Do they have tumbling certifications?? Have they coached for years, have they led teams to national titles?? NO!! Is it just me or does anyone else think some of these parents are trying to live their childhood dreams through their children?? Because it seems like it at our gym. Kids really do learn from their parents the most gossipy and hurtful parents have some of the most gossipy and hurtful daughters on our team. Someone once told me that just because someone is legally an adult does not mean they are going to act like one. Teenage girls are bad enough with gossip and catty-ness, we don't need any from the parents!! Just my opinion though....
unless you are cookie's mom or regina from pyramids, someone who KNOWS what they are talking about, parents have no right to comment on another cheerleaders faults or mistakes. even if parents DO comment something on a cheerleader, its not going to help then FIX their problem. its just going to get them down more.
Sports Fan - I think you are missing the point that the persons having to deal with the overly negative comments are very young children who are still learning the life lessons of the "Real" and sometimes very cruel world. But can you say that at 7 or 8 years of age you could totally handle someone trashing your every move? I don't think so.
Children can be permanently damaged by some of these comments. Some real life examples you ask. I witnessed parents making comments about the coaches choice of flyers (larger girl with good technique vs. very small slim girl with very shakey technique who posed a risk to her bases). The larger girl overheard the comments and proceeded go on some very extreme diets and eventually was hospitalized for a eating disorder. I've witnessed kids "suck it up" when they've had a injury to keep everyone from saying they are "drama queens" and then ended up causing further injury requiring surgery and in one case the end of their cheerleading days.
So before anyone is too quick to be critical of anybody but themselves THINK and then keep it to yourself! If you know so much about allstart cheerleading then get a coaching job!
And "Mother of a Cheerleader" - yes I would make sure the coach, the program director and especially Danny and Morton are aware of this situation. They are a class act and would NEVER knowingly allow this to continue.
Thank you old timer.... you hit it right on the head. You are so right. I have also experienced that the younger the child, the worse the "bad" parent is. As my child has aged, the parents have backed off for the most part. (there are always a few bad seeds there too) but mostly the girls do so much gossiping on their own and the parents aren't in attendance as often, so it happens less. But it's funny how the younger the child, the worse the bad parent is and how that young child is hurt by the one person who should be protecting them!!!
So it can go both ways... yes, it's the KIDS sport, not the parents. Yes, this is competitive cheer and in that is critisism and judging. So if you can't handle the competitive side of this sport, then maybe it's not for you. But then again, you (parent) aren't the one out on the floor. Leave your kid alone and let the coach do his/her job. And keep your bad comments and thoughts to yourself.
If you cant say anything nice, don't say anything OUTLOUD.
Well said "Old timer" and "Thank You". Let the kids and coaches do their jobs and stop all of the gossip and criticism in the gym waiting room. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Don't you have better things to do than criticize the coaches and kids that work their butts off!!? There are many awesome parents that REFUSE to SIT and gossip at the gyms. We just show up to pick up and not be a part of it. Think about it and back off and let them work!.
We are probably preaching to the choir on this board though...be part of the solution! My daughter cheered for 5 years and I decided to be part of the solution - I used to love sitting in the viewing area and pointing out how FAR some of those girls had come. Every girl in our gym who stuck with it had accomplishents. Even the ones that were difficult to like...and the more I stuck to the positive talk, the less I heard the negative talk. Either, it just wasn't any "fun" anymore to talk negative or the negative people didn't show up (or didn't talk to me). It can take a while and sometimes people will still bring up negative talk, but I really think if you just stick with it you can change the atmosphere.
It's also a lot more fun to be excited for all of the kids when they accomplish things - we had kids (up to jr high age) that weren't our own running out to the viewing area to tell us the new things they did, or asking us to watch them. Now that is my idea of fun!
Wow! What Great comments! I also think that it is sad that a sport like "cheer" could have such negative impacts on kids lives. EVERY child has a gift to bring to their team and the coaches are trained and experienced to find that gift and use it to better the team. It is SAD when the parents and child think they know better than the coaches. Parents get too wrapped up in the competition part instead of looking at the BIG picture of what the cheer sport can offer their children. My kids love cheer because it challenges their bodies to do the best they can and their minds too! It is weird because I feel like I am part of 'the popular parent crowd" and all I have ever heard are POSITIVE comments--it is the parents that feel left out that have nothing but Negative things to say--anyone will like you as a parent if you just put a smile on your face and see all the POSITIVE things happening at the gym! I guess I find it hard to believe that people would be that mean to kids who are ALL working hard at trying to achieve their goals. I have always taught my kids to learn from the kids who have mastered skills and admire them because that took LONG hours and DETERMINATION to get there! Maybe the coaches should make the parents aware of that---NO ONE just gets it--it takes WORK and that should be RESPECTED and is not something for any parent to be jealous of!
Yes its all about the kids...And I've seen parents make the comments at dance class when I was a kid, at my brother's baseball games, at my sister's soccer practice, at my brother's swim meet, my friend's wrestling meet, about the band kids in the parade, about the baton twirler, the kids on the chess team, and I've sat and watched my kids team perform and heard some other parents from a competiting team comment on how bad they were....OUCH. Cheerleading is not the only sport with parents making mean comments about their teammates performance. Its in every sport.
My guess is that most of the parents who would NEVER EVER EVER EVER do that...
Whenever my kid complains about not getting a skill, its easy to say, "well it looks better that so and so's " but I like to say, "Well, I'm sorry you don't have your standing tuck yet, when I was your age I couldn't even do a roundoff...and I still can't." Sometimes your kid will have more satisfaction knowing they've surpassed your skills as a kid than worrying about who's "better" than they are.
Been Watching this topic! Great proactive approach Central Cali! This goes on in every sport. I loved your response! You took the approach on how you could help correct the behavior. The negative parents will back off, if a majority come from a positve side.
