Playing favorites

Date: Thu Oct 25 7:13 AM, 2007

RE: Playing favorites

Date: Thu Oct 25 7:25 AM, 2007

Anonymous wrote:

I agree that favoritism can take many forms.

From a mat placement POV: Flow of routine is BIG. Sometimes I do have strong jumpers in the back because it transitions from the tumbling section and my last passes can't get to the front in such a short time.

Now, speaking from a coach's perspective on the list posted above, here is my biggest complaint. Number 5 and 7. In our gym, its the teams parents that are responsible for goodie bags/parties. We throw one end of the year party for everyone and that is it. So as a coach, I always hear about team favoritism because one team has a bowling night, or one team gets cool goodies and another does not. Why? Because their parents step up and plan/do it. I have my hands full with coaching. I'm not a party planner. So WHY do team expect ME to keep things even?

THat I so agree with. As far as team building outside the gym...we as the parents can do so much. That is energy we can bring to the plate. Go parents...and if you are going to complain about that...look in the mirror and ask what you can go. smile

Date: Thu Oct 25 8:41 AM, 2007

We are at a newer gym and our problem is getting all the parents involved in setting up extra activities to help with team bonding. Sometimes it can be like pulling teeth. Some parents just drop the kids off and show no interest in putting anything extra into the program. It baffles me. Now mind you I have a life outside of my daughters cheering, but I always try to make time to get involved as much as I can. Parents getting involved benifits a program and adds that sense of family and fun so necessary for a gym to succeed. I like the gym we are at, but we do miss the closeness and family atmosphere we had at are old gym.

big sis · Veteran Member

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

cheer411, u have seen all of these examples at your gym? if so... wow! lol
i havent heard of this before...pretty much anywhere. weirdface

CheerMama · Senior Member

big sis wrote:

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

cheer411, u have seen all of these examples at your gym? if so... wow! lol
i havent heard of this before...pretty much anywhere.

I've seen all of this another reason we are not at our old gym

Cheer411 · Senior Member

big sis wrote:

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

cheer411, u have seen all of these examples at your gym? if so... wow! lol
i havent heard of this before...pretty much anywhere.

No! Not one at the gym I am connected with. It's pretty even acrossed the board at the gym. These are examples of why people have migrated to our gym.

I have a great listening ear and remember everything. wink

Date: Thu Oct 25 8:23 PM, 2007

Cheer 411 ,.. maybe you should have a meeting with your coaches. if this is going on in your gym why are you all doing something. i assume this is within your gym because how would you know how many goodies are in another bag. if i am mistaken sorry. However i would have a talk with you coaches.

Cheer411 · Senior Member

Anonymous wrote:

Cheer 411 ,.. maybe you should have a meeting with your coaches. if this is going on in your gym why are you all doing something. i assume this is within your gym because how would you know how many goodies are in another bag. if i am mistaken sorry. However i would have a talk with you coaches.

Oops! Maybe you didn't read my last post. No, this stuff isn't happening in the gym I'm with. I have listed some of these examples of why people are preceiving an act of favoritism. These are some of the reasons why parents have moved their cheerleaders to the gym I am with. They were tired of these things occuring at their old gym.

OC Mom · GURU

Hmmmmmmmm...... I've been on BOTH sides of this coin. I am the mom who is truly OVERLY involved in whatever my kids are a part of. I drive EVERYONE to practice. Drive EVERYONE home. Take the pics, attend the meetings, sit thru every practice and competition, write on all the message boards and MUCH MUCH MORE.

BUT.... (oh and do I have a big butt) When it comes to where my kid is placed, I SHUT MY BIG MOUTH. Oh trust me, I've been accused of being biased cause my kid flys. But lets not make any mistakes here. My kid flys cause she has great bases. My kid tumbles cause she has great coaches, past and present. My kid flys causes she FIGHTS for that position. And when she's moved in a routine, you have BETTER BELIEVE that i support the decision to put her in the back, middle, front, side, off the matt, WHATEVER. My daughter doesn't win those jackets...... the ENTIRE TEAM does.

I don't CARE whos chatting on MySpace, going to dinner, sleeping over whom's house, painting whomever's garage doors, WHATEVER.......

That has nothing to do with winning competitions. Ok, I will say what everyone is stepping around here.... don't like where your kid is placed? Tough. Too bad. Deal with it, shut up and sit down. Your kid is important on that TEAM.

TEAM............ TEAM............. TEAM...............

Oh yea, some will get offended by my post, I am sure. But it's the truth. I will ALWAYS think my kid is the best. I will always have a favorite SOMETHING. Favorite friend, coach, car, ice cream, pillow, animal..... such is life. We compare everything in our lives to SOMETHING else because that's how we place value on things. That's how we know if something is good or bad. So if you're kid isn't the "favorite", whatever. They will learn more from having to work for something than getting it handed to them anyway.

No one wants that team to win more than that coach. NO ONE.....

Ok, so I'm getting off my soap box now. If my kid isn't in front tomorrow, that is IT....

-- Edited by OC Mom at 22:08, 2007-10-25

Date: Thu Oct 25 9:07 PM, 2007

Oh got it. i think that is funny that someone would leave because of goody bags. Maybe they are just telling you to make up an excuse because that seems kinda silly. I know when we have girls/boys come to our gym if they start badmouthing or talking about other gyms our coaches nip that in the bud and tell them we dont even want to hear it. That is probably why when we get several girls from another gym we dont talk about this stuff it is not tolerate and we dont take notes. We let them know from day one it will not be tolerated because if the other gym is not there to defend themself. Our coaches tell us that all the gyms have thier different ways of running thier business and we must respect any and all gyms for their efforts into being in such a difficult business. That seems like a long list you have.. I hope you are not encouraging this behavior. Where you taking notes when they told you all this ? or do you just have an amazing memory. Maybe you should talk with your girls and boys about just moving forward because if they leave your gym they may do the same and you probably dont think it would be fair if you could not defend yourself either. I am not trying to come across sarcastic I apologize but it just urks me to hear someone say something bad about another gym they just. How are we sure it is not just a cheer mom mad her kid was not in the front. WE HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN ALL TO OFTEN.

Date: Thu Oct 25 9:18 PM, 2007

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

Hmmm this seems really petty my comments

1) what does this mean some are asked to hang out with "cool" Coaches
2) uniforms come in all times
3) Coaches are always driving girls to competitions especially those with parents who work on weekends. how is this favoritism?
4) I have heard of tuition discounts for those with a more elite pass. I think power did this at once and they have been running one of the top gyms for years. That is not favoritism that is cheer.
5) Parties that is just plain ridiculous. It is about cheer not parties. If someone wants more parties dont you think they should plan them I am sure they gyms dont mind if someone wants to host a cheer party at their home. Or are they upset because one team has someone willing to and the other team is not.
6) if this came from a parent again that does not make sense I thought practices were closed and the coach is the one who determines whether push ups are in order not the parents if we let parents decide I am sure all parents will think their child is perfect and never deserves pushups. T
7) you are kidding who is counting the goodies sounds like they need a life or maybe they should make goody bags themself rather than complain
8) are you seriously on myspace reading what these girls say back and forth. Sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands. Do you seriously go on myspace and check to see what other teams are talking about to their coaches. That is scary. Why would you check on other teams talking to eachother. Talk about peeping

Date: Thu Oct 25 9:23 PM, 2007

OC Mom wrote:

Hmmmmmmmm...... I've been on BOTH sides of this coin. I am the mom who is truly OVERLY involved in whatever my kids are a part of. I drive EVERYONE to practice. Drive EVERYONE home. Take the pics, attend the meetings, sit thru every practice and competition, write on all the message boards and MUCH MUCH MORE.

BUT.... (oh and do I have a big butt) When it comes to where my kid is placed, I SHUT MY BIG MOUTH. Oh trust me, I've been accused of being biased cause my kid flys. But lets not make any mistakes here. My kid flys cause she has great bases. My kid tumbles cause she has great coaches, past and present. My kid flys causes she FIGHTS for that position. And when she's moved in a routine, you have BETTER BELIEVE that i support the decision to put her in the back, middle, front, side, off the matt, WHATEVER. My daughter doesn't win those jackets...... the ENTIRE TEAM does.

I don't CARE whos chatting on MySpace, going to dinner, sleeping over whom's house, painting whomever's garage doors, WHATEVER.......

That has nothing to do with winning competitions. Ok, I will say what everyone is stepping around here.... don't like where your kid is placed? Tough. Too bad. Deal with it, shut up and sit down. Your kid is important on that TEAM.

TEAM............ TEAM............. TEAM...............

Oh yea, some will get offended by my post, I am sure. But it's the truth. I will ALWAYS think my kid is the best. I will always have a favorite SOMETHING. Favorite friend, coach, car, ice cream, pillow, animal..... such is life. We compare everything in our lives to SOMETHING else because that's how we place value on things. That's how we know if something is good or bad. So if you're kid isn't the "favorite", whatever. They will learn more from having to work for something than getting it handed to them anyway.

No one wants that team to win more than that coach. NO ONE.....

Ok, so I'm getting off my soap box now. If my kid isn't in front tomorrow, that is IT....

-- Edited by OC Mom at 22:08, 2007-10-25

OC Mom I agree my daughter came form a gym where she was the star. You know the flier who hit all her stunts, dsnced up front in the middle, judges alaways commented on the girl in the center stunt strong flier love to watch you, your having fun...
And then we changed gyms, now she is in the back on some formations and you know as her mom I am thinking she is out perfornming most the girls wink wink and she never came home thinking she was being nistreated because her old gym emphasized thet every person on the floor was important and guess what she's not flying anymore but shes a great base now

i do agree that parents have the right to speak up if something is blantly unfair but so it with respect and if you are not happy take your kid some where else
its your choice and your money
but for the most part most gyms want teams that are strong and competitive so they base their formations on that

i love my kids but not the same
my oldest i love for his dependability
my middle for her compassion
and my youngest because she is my baby

each person on the team is important even if your child is there to make a part of the formation equal thats ok you are still important
have fun this season all

Date: Thu Oct 25 9:59 PM, 2007

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

With the major fires happening in southern california and all the help they need from volunteers maybe you should donate your time and volunteer to help rather than going on myspace and checking on other teams cheerleaders conversations. I cant believe you did that. Do you realize what you said? Shame shame shame.

Date: Thu Oct 25 10:43 PM, 2007

Anonymous wrote:

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

With the major fires happening in southern california and all the help they need from volunteers maybe you should donate your time and volunteer to help rather than going on myspace and checking on other teams cheerleaders conversations. I cant believe you did that. Do you realize what you said? Shame shame shame.

No Shame on you!!! Very Smart call Cheer 411!!! We left a gym that would use "myspace" to create drama in thier own gym. I say shame on them!!! Yes please check out the myspaces of your coaches especially if your kid has added them, Then delete them!!!!, some of these coaches forget they are supposed to be role models.

Date: Thu Oct 25 11:20 PM, 2007

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

With the major fires happening in southern california and all the help they need from volunteers maybe you should donate your time and volunteer to help rather than going on myspace and checking on other teams cheerleaders conversations. I cant believe you did that. Do you realize what you said? Shame shame shame.

No Shame on you!!! Very Smart call Cheer 411!!! We left a gym that would use "myspace" to create drama in thier own gym. I say shame on them!!! Yes please check out the myspaces of your coaches especially if your kid has added them, Then delete them!!!!, some of these coaches forget they are supposed to be role models.

You gotta be kidding me. Why would you think itis acceptable to spy on other gyms by checking the websites of their cheerleaders. Most myspace sites are private and only open to friends for you to say you saw them seems hipocritical because you must be their friends to see their myspacfe

Date: Thu Oct 25 11:22 PM, 2007

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Cheer411 wrote:

Favortism can be viewed by many in various forms. It doesn't have to be just on the practice mat and placement on the floor.

There are times when favortism is displayed by other actions demonstrated by the gym staff:

1. Cheerleaders are asked to "hang out" with the "cool" coach outside practice hours.
2. Someone gets their uniform before everyone else.
3. Certain girls get a ride from a coach to the attending competition.
4. Free tuition for a select few.
5. A particular team has more parties then the next team in the gym.
6. The squad is asked to do 10 push-ups and someone gets away with not doing any.
7. Goody bags handed out a the competitions. One squad gets more items in their bag than the next team
8. Chat behind the scenes on MySpace between the "favored" cheerleaders and the coaches. (and sometimes I am shocked what I read. There are times the coaches take about the talent of another cheerleader to the next cheerleader. Shame, Shame, Shame.)

The staff/coaches need to be cautious to what is being displayed in and out of their gym. Often times, it's not what is going on during practice, it's what is going on after practice.

With the major fires happening in southern california and all the help they need from volunteers maybe you should donate your time and volunteer to help rather than going on myspace and checking on other teams cheerleaders conversations. I cant believe you did that. Do you realize what you said? Shame shame shame.

No Shame on you!!! Very Smart call Cheer 411!!! We left a gym that would use "myspace" to create drama in thier own gym. I say shame on them!!! Yes please check out the myspaces of your coaches especially if your kid has added them, Then delete them!!!!, some of these coaches forget they are supposed to be role models.
You gotta be kidding me. Why would you think itis acceptable to spy on other gyms by checking the websites of their cheerleaders. Most myspace sites are private and only open to friends for you to say you saw them seems hipocritical because you must be their friends to see their myspacfe

Good point maybe you should help to teach your girls to keep their myspace private because their are people from other gyms spying on them. That is scary to think my daugther's myspace is being watched by other gyms. I didnte think people stooped that low.

Date: Thu Oct 25 11:31 PM, 2007

Interesting I could see checking on coaches within your gym but when I read cheer 411 say she/he was reading messages between coaches and cheerleaders from other gyms has taken it too far. Yes you should see what is happening within your own gyms but who has time to spy on other gyms. Do you have their rosters how do you know which cheerleaders are on those teams? You must really be following the other gyms close to have this information. Why would you want to do that? What purpose does that serve to read messages from other gyms? How do you explain this to your child? Cheer 411 maybe you have a good reason for reading the messages girls have with their coaches from other gyms., Why would you do that? Maybe there is some reason I am missing.

Date: Fri Oct 26 4:09 AM, 2007

A little off, but a little on topic. I read the public myspaces of some of the older kids at our gym when they suggesting my kid get one. Not something I spent a lot of time doing, but what I read was enough to figure out that my kid was not going to be on a team with kids older than her and enough to be concerned about a coach at the gym who is now presently serving time in jail. Did not know at the time he was commiting any type of crime, but my spidey sense went way up when I saw his postings and postings that linked to others. So...snooping, smooping, whatever. Freaked me out. Looked around when we moved to a new gym. No reason to be concerned that I could find, so no, I don't look anymore. If my spidey sense were to rear it's head again, you're darn tootin' I'd be patroling myspace again. Totally agree...kids should have their myspaces marked private...I found the stuff that freaked me out on those that weren't marked private. hmm

Date: Fri Oct 26 5:29 AM, 2007

This is totally a parent thing!! My daughter has a my space and I check hers almost everyday. I use it to weed out the kids she is allowed to hang around and to teach her lesson's regarding certain behaviors; it's a great tool. We talk about the inappropriateness of some of the words her friends use, how ridiculous it is that they are 14 and 15 with pictures of themselves in their bathing suits, handholding and kissing on their boyfriends.

We also had to delete one of my daughter's old coaches because she had pictures on her my space that were totally rated "R" and included her and every coach at the old gym, reminding me of how glad I am we left there. Totally irresponsible of a coaches trying to get their cheerleader to respect them!

I am with you parents it is our right to know what our kids do and who the people really are that they are around and that you are entrusting them too. People who don't do this are always the only one's surprised when something scandalous happens.

Cheer411 · Senior Member

Anonymous wrote:

Interesting I could see checking on coaches within your gym but when I read cheer 411 say she/he was reading messages between coaches and cheerleaders from other gyms has taken it too far. Yes you should see what is happening within your own gyms but who has time to spy on other gyms. Do you have their rosters how do you know which cheerleaders are on those teams? You must really be following the other gyms close to have this information. Why would you want to do that? What purpose does that serve to read messages from other gyms? How do you explain this to your child? Cheer 411 maybe you have a good reason for reading the messages girls have with their coaches from other gyms., Why would you do that? Maybe there is some reason I am missing.

WOW! Do you actually think I have time to spend checking on everyone in the world of cheer?

Those messages are coming to me on a piece of paper because a cheerleader, or two, from the attending gym is concerned and wants others to know what's going on.

I have zero time in my day just to hang out and see what every cheerleader and coach conversation is being typed on MySpace.

I am way to old for petty stuff like this. In addition, I have little time for the "extras". I work 2 full time jobs, have an incredible marriage, and am raising amazing children. This couldn't happen if I spent every waking moment on the computer.

Enough said about me. I was just trying to let everyone know that favortism is displayed in many fashions. Ovbiously, some of my examples, have hit home with a few annoymous posters here on this board. Maybe, this has shed light on what can been done to stop some of the favortism in general. This isn't just a topic for cheerleading, but for all of those that are in a leadership/teaching role.

Have a great day! I need to run off to work my 12 hour day today! smile