How do we stop it?

CharlotteASMom · Member

How do we stop it?

Date: Tue Oct 23 8:16 AM, 2007

Yes but at what cost. When adults allow this kind of talk in their presence, it is like saying it is ok. When is should not be. It does not take much energy to say hey, do not use those terms and explain why. Eventually they will get the point.

I look at it as I also do not want my kids to seem ignorant. When you hear speech like that I automatically think, " that kid sure sounds ignorant" . Do you want that for your child. I do not think that we do. Do you let your child say the N word ? Probably not......

CharlotteASMom · Member

I completely get your point! Probably on my list of grievances with my kids saying WTF or gay is not the highest item. You are right...I would never allow the above referenced N word or even them saying "retarded". It probabaly just depends on the day and how much is going on. It sounds like I am implying that I have so many probelms with my kids but actually it's the opposite. They are mostly straight A students that are invloved and active in most areas of life. I'm sure it's just me! Just the other day I told my daughter that I didn't care what the song said...I didn't want her singing "leaning like a cholo". Boy do I wish that song would go away!! biggrin

Date: Tue Oct 23 9:05 AM, 2007

Ok- so people say that this board has educated them on a lot areas, well, let this be one...educated people do NOT say "that is retarded" or "that is gay." Letting your children say that or people around you is doing them a huge disservice. If they were a CEO of a major company or politician, they would have some major damage control to do. I know people say it and there intentions are not to be hurtful, but as stated before, that is because they are uneducated and/or ignorant. You don't have to get mad at your children/friends, just a simple, "hey, don't say that," will eventually train them to be a more productive, positive citizen in our society.

Marlon · Veteran Member

I dont believe that the "jargon" of todays society can be used in any defense! We all know how to speak proper (not regular) English. Whenever I hear the terms brought up in this post, it makes me realize how ignorant people sound. If you dont realize that, how can you go through society and blame the "slang" for your ignorance! There is no EXCUSE, think before you speak!

Date: Tue Oct 23 9:31 AM, 2007

I think you parents grow up and forget where you came from!!! Stop trying to be saints now!!! We teenager's know you got dirt in your closets. Stop with the goody act. I don't curse, I don't call people name, blah blah, we see you with your middle finger's up driving, telling your husbands or wifes at home how you hate your miget boss at work etc. Really parents stop!!

Date: Tue Oct 23 11:46 AM, 2007

As a parent of a daughter with Downs Syndrome my wife and I find the use of this word very hurtful and insulting. Most of all its use is one of ignorance as our daughter is the most beautiful and healthy individual we know. She truly lives in the moment and views all people the same: nice! We firmly believe that those who really get to know her are truly blessed.

Date: Tue Oct 23 12:10 PM, 2007

Anonymous wrote:

As a parent of a daughter with Downs Syndrome my wife and I find the use of this word very hurtful and insulting. Most of all its use is one of ignorance as our daughter is the most beautiful and healthy individual we know. She truly lives in the moment and views all people the same: nice! We firmly believe that those who really get to know her are truly blessed.

As a parent I find that we change our behaviors according to our life experiences. Your daughter has Down syndrome, but before your daughter, ask yourself did you ever say something like this, sit back, go to your teen years, really be truthful with yourself. It IS wrong yes!! But I find people who are offended by these sayings are usually experiencing this in their life.

Date: Tue Oct 23 12:26 PM, 2007

Ask your children when they are using the phrase if they are thinking of people or referring to people who have disabilities? My guess is that thought never crossed their mind, because they are using the word to mean something else. Being offended by it, drawing attention to it, etc... just puts it back in our minds that retarded is still the word we use to describe the mentally disabled, and that's just not true. I mentioned in a previous post my co-worker, who is 48 by the way, said "it's retarded" just the other day, referring to some software that didn't work. Was I going to turn to her and say what she said was offensive? Heck no because that WOULD be offensive to her. She is the most kind and giving person who is active in numerous fundraisers. I knew what she meant by using the word (I have to disagree with Acedad's Humpty Dumpty example, sorry).

Date: Tue Oct 23 3:16 PM, 2007

I have no idea what your response was intended to relay? The use of this word is simply wrong! Have we all made mistakes in our lives? Yes, of course. Does that make it any less of wrong. NO

ACEDAD · GURU

Anonymous wrote:

I mentioned in a previous post my co-worker, who is 48 by the way, said "it's retarded" just the other day, referring to some software that didn't work. Was I going to turn to her and say what she said was offensive? Heck no because that WOULD be offensive to her. She is the most kind and giving person who is active in numerous fundraisers. I knew what she meant by using the word (I have to disagree with Acedad's Humpty Dumpty example, sorry).

One does not have to be ugly when gently correcting someone. A simple, "hey, don't say that" in a non threatening voice will usually accomplish the task.

And I don't have a problem with someone disagreeing. But I'm still going to do what I can to get people to stop using the word in a hurtful manner. Even if they don't mean it that way.

It really hit home with me a couple years ago. I was at a competition talking to various owners of gyms about starting a special needs team. While speaking with one (very well known) owner, s/he said, "I don't want to be known as the gym with the retarded kids." My chin hit the floor. I said, "I'm very sorry you feel that way." And walked away stunned.

cheerwatcher · GURU

ACEDAD wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I mentioned in a previous post my co-worker, who is 48 by the way, said "it's retarded" just the other day, referring to some software that didn't work. Was I going to turn to her and say what she said was offensive? Heck no because that WOULD be offensive to her. She is the most kind and giving person who is active in numerous fundraisers. I knew what she meant by using the word (I have to disagree with Acedad's Humpty Dumpty example, sorry).

One does not have to be ugly when gently correcting someone. A simple, "hey, don't say that" in a non threatening voice will usually accomplish the task.

And I don't have a problem with someone disagreeing. But I'm still going to do what I can to get people to stop using the word in a hurtful manner. Even if they don't mean it that way.

It really hit home with me a couple years ago. I was at a competition talking to various owners of gyms about starting a special needs team. While speaking with one (very well known) owner, s/he said, "I don't want to be known as the gym with the retarded kids." My chin hit the floor. I said, "I'm very sorry you feel that way." And walked away stunned.

Oh wow, my chin dropped when I read this. It's unfortunate that people don't realize how often the term "Retarded" or "Gay" is used. I don't believe it is intentional either. But perhaps this could be a wake up call to let someone know, "Hey could you maybe choose a different word because that word could be offensive to some people". But to this gym owner, you should be ashamed of yourself. furious

Date: Tue Oct 23 8:43 PM, 2007

If people can't see the difference between a gym owner saying she didn't want retarded kids, and someone saying someTHING is retarded, and how they are completely different, than there's nothing left to say. I will not correct anyone who uses it in a way that has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with mentally challenged/disabled/special needs kids. It would be insulting to do so. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

Date: Wed Oct 24 6:29 AM, 2007

I see both sides of the issue. That was such a cruel thing for that gym owner to say, unbelievable. Acedad, did you correct her use of that word? So do we never use the word? Do we ban it from our vocabulary completely? I do agree it has taken on a new meaning today, although it did originate from the previous meaning.

Date: Wed Oct 24 6:35 AM, 2007

It really doesn't have a new meaning... when said today kids mean "that is stupid...so stupid only a 'retarded' person would do that." Most parents won't even let their children call other kids or use the word "stupid" because of the connotations and negative affects it has. ""Retarded" is way beyond that.

CharlotteASMom · Member

Making words politically incorrect is such a slippery slope and we all have to make our own decisons as to what is acceptable. I don't allow curse words in my home, racial slurs, or a few other extrememly hurtful words including "retarded". However there are some that I ignore that many posters on here may not like. My children and I are by far ignorant. We like to choose our battles and judging by my childrens acomplishments I have done pretty well.

Date: Wed Oct 24 7:40 AM, 2007

how do we change it?
CALL OPRAH (smile everyone)

I think it just takes people speaking out about how the word has become part of the everyday language and it is hurtfull. Just like the "n" word and many others. Dont start jumping on me and saying itis nothing like that word because i am black. I am saying that the "n" word became acceptable because everyone just started using it and we all accepted it but it wsnt until somone said it about the wrong people at the wrong time that everyone got upset about it and started to speak out about it. That goes with any negative slur. you just have to start speaking out about it and not allow it in your presence, but in reality it wont really stop
people still use the "n" word and it has been many and many of years because society has alowed it to be used and the meaning has changed to some(including within its own race) does this make sense to everyone? I hate that word, I hate when people say that is gay, but I have said that is retarded but will no longer say that because you all have brought it to my attention that it is hurtful. I never thought about it. It didnt have that meaning to me.

What I am trying to say is just like the "n" word you will be fughting that battle for many years and it wont change, but as a gym owner you can not allow those words at your gym but have to realize that you wont change everyones mind thats part of being an american and having your own opionion and freedom to what you believe. but you can make a difference by starting at your gym. every little bit helps smile

-- Edited by Danny at 15:21, 2007-10-24

Date: Wed Oct 24 12:03 PM, 2007

I agree to your post. We may not change the world but maybe we will change our small portion of it. The whole thread of "it's too hard" "parents/adults just dont understand how we mean it" (hello we used the same slang when we were younger) Or "were kids so it's ok we'll be more PC when were older" are such sad excuse for intentionally or more likely unintentionally hurting some one else. Doing the RIGHT thing isn't always easy, if it were then we would all have teams from minis on up throwing fulls. So why not challenge your self to be positive, see the glass as half full and simply change the things we have control over. You never know how your words can affect someone, so choose them wisely. smile

Hayley · Member

I definitely agree with the post that Danny named "superior" above! We can all choose how we want to make a difference in the world. We can start some huge deal trying to get people to change their ways, nicely ask them to not use the word retarded, or even discuss it. I think that just by having this thread we have brought the issue to people's attention whereas before, they probably went about their lives thinking that what they were saying wasn't hurting or offending anybody. Hopefully people will now think twice about what they are saying and the effects that it coud have on others. Although they might, and most likely aren't, using the term with hurtful intentions, it could easily be misinterpreted. I personally have a cousin with cerebral palsy and help coach the special needs team at Pyramids. I have seen the look on my aunt's face when we are in public and people stare or happen to say the word retarded in conversation that is overheard and that face alone made me realize how hurtful this term is. Every single girl on the Pyramids team is an incredible person and I am so blessed to be able to work with them every week. They have the most positive outlook on life and have contagious smiles and laughter. I hope that everyone is lucky enough to meet and learn from someone as fantastic as the people that I have in my life because it has truly changed me. It is up to you how you want to make a difference.

Date: Fri Oct 26 1:05 PM, 2007

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.