Parent Involvement in Cheerleading

Date: Mon Feb 6 6:00 PM, 2006

Parent Involvement in Cheerleading

Date: Mon Feb 6 8:58 PM, 2006

Yes, it bothers me too. I hate to see a child being pushed into something they have no interested in doing and a parent trying to live out their childhood through their child. Frankly, I tried for a year to discourage my daughter from cheerleading due to the commitment plus she was such a good soccer player. I finally gave in and this has been the most rewarding experience for her and therefore for me. I made her choose which all-star team she wanted to join. We discussed the pros and cons on each one but I told her it was ultimately her decision and I would support her no matter the choice. It was one of the most difficult decisions she's had to make in her young life but "she did good! by joining cheergyms.com." The most important thing each parent needs to remember is that a child should be happy doing whatever it is and no one should be pushed into doing something that won't make them happy.

Date: Mon Feb 6 10:16 PM, 2006

My kid is the best! She's better than everyone out there! I make her practice everyday and she had better not give me attitude!!! And she better smile about it too!!!

hehehehehehehe

Just kidding.

Date: Mon Feb 6 10:51 PM, 2006

I think its different strokes for differnet folks. I think it all depends on the family and what goes into every relationship. For Bryan, he is a self-starter and that works for him, some parents are there to push their kids to be the best they can be. Some parents do see potential in there kids, so they push their kids hard in order to be successful. Some of the greatest leaders always thank their families and friends for pushing them because there are many times in your life where all your confidence is gone. I like being pushed by family members, but I do not like when parents try to live through their children. There is a HUGE difference between the two. I love to see activities as a family affair. It really ties the whole family together.

Date: Tue Feb 7 9:27 AM, 2006

Don't know Bryan, but from these posts and from what I have heard he is extremely self motivated and goal orientated. Not all kids are that way. Now I have seen scary "cheer' parents. There will always be those in every sport and activity. It is so difficult being a parent. Not a cake walk. I think a majority of parents support and encourage their kids. Yes, sometimes I personally may push my child harder, but not to an extreme. I do this, because I know my child may be holding back from trying something, because she is just nervous. I don't want her to look back and regret not trying. I want my child to have all the right tools to make the right decision. Also, I want her to see what a little hardwork and commitment can bring. Anyway, Bryan, I guess what i am saying is that it is such a difficult job being a parent. We just want what is best for our kids. There are those crazy parents out there, but they are the minority. I think they just stick out more, because they are so crazy and vocal and pushy. Most of us are just trying to be good parents and don't want our kids to have regrets when they get older.

Date: Tue Feb 7 10:32 AM, 2006

Yea, I've seen parents push their children to the extent where they can actually do more harm than good, IMO. Here's an example, how many of you know of boys/girls who perhaps had a tumbling skill but lost it? I have seen a couple parents push them to get it back, and the more they push, the harder it gets for them. I see them struggle, going in the opposite direction (getting worse, not better) and I always want to tell those parents to back off and let the skill/skills come back on their own.

My daughter loves to cheer. It's her choice to sign up every year. She loves everything about it -- the organization we're part of, her friends, competing, everything. If she decides she's had enough and wants to move on to something else, that's perfectly fine with us. The only rule we have is once she signs up for the season and makes that commitment, she needs to stick with it until the season is over. We think that teaches her about commitment and dedication (not letting her team down). It bothers me when parents pull their kids out during the season (I've seen them do it right before Nationals even) because their child decides she doesn't want to do it anymore, or their child isn't managing their time efficiently and other things are slipping (such as grades). It's a team sport; it's not only selfish but unfair to the others. They can quit after the season is over, you know? So in that case, parents pushing their child to stick with it seems reasonable.

Date: Tue Feb 7 11:35 AM, 2006

I think the difference between pushing the kids who want to be there, versus pushing the ones who don't, is obvious to everyone! I'm happy for those parents who think they're child has better skills than others, but please don't think we want to hear about it.

Date: Tue Feb 7 11:53 AM, 2006

I've heard them over and over and over....... my kid does this, my kid does that. Yea, we know. We are in the same gym!!! Sheesh!!!!

Date: Tue Feb 7 3:14 PM, 2006

Way to state the way many of us parents feel "cheer parent"!! We don't want to hear it Thanks!

Date: Tue Feb 7 6:18 PM, 2006

To "Gold Mom"

That is the exactly the response I was hoping to hear, so thanks! =)

and to "SheLoves2Cheer"

You inspire my next question:

You said that your daughter should finish out the season if she decides she doesnt want to do it anymore, but what about parents pulling their children off of their teams because they're grades are not up to par? I mean sure, theres no summer school left for me after this year, but for other kids (11th graders and below) they ahve the opportunity to re-take a class that they could be struggling with. True, is it not good to slack off and just say "I'll re take it over the summer", but pulling a child off of a team does not only ruin everything the team has worked for, it could be even tougher for the kid to get back to the swing of things when they're allowed to cheer again, AND who's to say that their child will get their grades back up? And you waste all that money for the rest of the season, and nationals, and your clothes and everything. My mom has threatened to take me off my team numerous times, and I'll admit, I'm no brainiac- at all!

What do u think?

-Bryan
Motions Coed

Date: Tue Feb 7 7:21 PM, 2006

Part of being a parent is not only making sure your child is getting a good education and doing what they need to be doing, but also keeping the commitments they have. You can't quit your job just because you haven't been doing your laundry. No, it's not exactly the same but it's the same basic idea.

Enough said.

Date: Tue Feb 7 10:09 PM, 2006

Hi Bryan. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I think I might have already answered your question (but it's late so who knows, lol). I am against parents pulling their kids out of cheer during the season when the commitment has already been made (to cheer). I say find another way to manage time, help them with their schoolwork, find a tutor, whatever, but don't take it out on the entire team who is depending on your child. You know now for next year (don't sign your child up if grades are slipping). I've always felt very strongly about that, and I like the way "Nope" put it -- good analogy!

Date: Wed Feb 8 5:48 AM, 2006

Part of childhood is learning how to be "responsible" . Should I "punish" my high schooler for not doing well in school? Or motivate her to do better? As an adult, if you are not doing well at work, if your boss threatens to FIRE you, does that enspire you to do better? NO So, as good bosses we should coach our children, monitor their performance, check with their supervisors (teachers) so that it never gets to a point where you have to make a decision like taking them off the team.

I can hear it already, "I don't want to babysit my kids school work". If your kid is on a high school team, they check grades periodically to make sure the kids are on track, we don't have that on all-star teams, it would be nice, or scary in some cases. As far as baby sitting, really how long do you have the luxury of setting standards and expectations for your kids before they become adults? I only have 1 year left.

So don't take your kid off a team becuase of their grades, take away thier privates, take away their open gym, cell phones, t.v's, computers, weekends, soical life, BUT DO NOT take them off a team and teach them how NOT to be commited.

Date: Wed Feb 8 7:49 AM, 2006

SheLoves2Cheer wrote:

Yea, I've seen parents push their children to the extent where they can actually do more harm than good, IMO. Here's an example, how many of you know of boys/girls who perhaps had a tumbling skill but lost it? I have seen a couple parents push them to get it back, and the more they push, the harder it gets for them. I see them struggle, going in the opposite direction (getting worse, not better) and I always want to tell those parents to back off and let the skill/skills come back on their own.

My daughter loves to cheer. It's her choice to sign up every year. She loves everything about it -- the organization we're part of, her friends, competing, everything. If she decides she's had enough and wants to move on to something else, that's perfectly fine with us. The only rule we have is once she signs up for the season and makes that commitment, she needs to stick with it until the season is over. We think that teaches her about commitment and dedication (not letting her team down). It bothers me when parents pull their kids out during the season (I've seen them do it right before Nationals even) because their child decides she doesn't want to do it anymore, or their child isn't managing their time efficiently and other things are slipping (such as grades). It's a team sport; it's not only selfish but unfair to the others. They can quit after the season is over, you know? So in that case, parents pushing their child to stick with it seems reasonable.

I LOVE YOU!! You are so right. I do not like it or respect it when people just quit because they are not interested or their grades are possibly slipping. Since all stars are not part of school, then you have the option of taking other things away and pushing them into tudoring or somehthing else. So many people are self involved and do not think of others, especially the team. All that time wasted redoing the whole routine when it can be used in making the team stronger.

Date: Wed Feb 8 12:17 PM, 2006

You have had many parents and kids reply but I thought this it would be nice to hear from a coaches perspective on this topic. So here it goes:

Through out many years of coaching I have seen a lot of these parents. I have also seen a lot of their children burn out at an extremely young age. The gym that I used to coach at had many of these parents, and all of their kids were done cheering at 6th grade, 8th grade, or even a freshman. From being pushed so hard they burnt out and quit cheerleading. Which is sad because they could have been one of the best cheerleaders in the gym going into high school.

What I am trying to say is that some parents need to trust their coaches, and let them do most of the pushing. I understand you don't want your children to quit something they commited themselves to, and sometimes they do need that little push to keep them going so they try new things, but isn't that also what a coach is for? I hate to see little kids, as young as 5th grade, leave the gym scared because they know they didn't stick a stunt, or land a tumbling pass while their parent was watching. So now they know they are going to hear it on the car ride home. But I can promise you that that child already heard what they need to fix by the coach after or during practice.

This also goes along with tumbling blocks. Again, at the gym where I used to coach at most of the tumlbing block kids were the ones with the parents that won't let them leave the gym with out landing it 3 more times. Or tell them what they need to fix, or how it should look, or here about why they need to get better tumbling in the car ride home, or are told that they will not be on a "good" team" if they stop throwing all of these skills. I have coached many tumlbing "blockers" and as soon as I asked the parent to be the good cop and let me (or another coach) be the bad cop; the child, in most of the situations, went right back to the tumbling skills that he/she was throwing before. IMO, I believe that parents should let the coaches do the pushing, in a positive and healthy way, and the parents should be the people that the kid can go to when they have had a rough practice or a skill is frustrating them, and they will make them feel like they can accomplish anything with hard work, and dedication. Not make them feel bad about themselves.

Again this is just coming from a coaches standpoint, and you can agree or disagree, but just think that if it bothers Bryan, who is an all star cheerleader, imagine being a coach and watching it. It's even harder to watch and tolerate. There is a difference in being a cheerleader for your cheerleader, and being another coach for your child. Please be the cheerleader, it makes it easier on the kid, the coach, and the entire cheer program. And I promise you will notice your child being more self-motivated because of other kids in the gym and the coaches doing what you pay them to do, and they will excel in this sport faster then you thought.

Just some insight into a coaches opinion in this matter, because as a coach we see this type of problem more then some of you think.

Old Cheer Coach

Date: Wed Feb 8 2:35 PM, 2006

Old Cheer Coach,

Very well put! In the first year of my daughter cheering I found myself "coaching" my daughter and having those "coaching" conversations on the drive home. It wasn't working, for me or my daughter. I took a big step back and became a mom again instead of a coach. She is now in her 5th year of cheering and still enjoys what she is doing. It is up to the coaches to know how much to push her and when to back off. I'm there to support her when she has tough days and to encourage her when she is being hard on herself. She has to make the decisions about how much time or effort she wants to put into this sport, not me. I do make sure before she makes a decision to be on a team that she understands the committment and there is no quiting before the season is over. We have found this to work very well for us.

Again, thank you for your post. It was very well stated and I hope it encourages parents on how to be involved in their childs activities and sports.

Date: Wed Feb 8 10:32 PM, 2006

It just hit me with something... when i read "cheer mom 5+ years" i got the question. Is it really a coaches job to push the kids to the limit or is it the athlete's responsibility themself? I mean I don't mean it by a coach sittin back and watchin what happens, but is it a coaches responsiblity to make their athletes push that extra limit, and make it mandatory to take that extra step to working hard for that extra skill?

It can be either way i think because yes that is what a coach is somewhat supposed to do, but it doesnt always happen like that.
I think it gets more deep than that but i personally think it is more about a coach giving their athlete not a push, but giving them a direction of what to work on and what they need help in. i see this also happening looking back at not only cheer but other sports like football or gymnastics...

Alex
Motions coed

Date: Thu Feb 9 11:13 AM, 2006

First off, I've loved every parent of every kid I've ever coached. I've been lucky and haven't had any problems with "Crazy Cheer Parents."

Second off, from a coaches AND an athletes position, I honestly do believe it is the coaches job to do the COACHING, and the parent's job to do the SUPPORTING.
Think of it like this, you (the parent) were an art major in college, and math is not exactly your expertise You know all your basics of course, but your not exactly a math whiz. You're daughter, (we'll call her Betty) is in a senior in high school and is taking advanced trig. Half way through the year, you notice that Betty is struggling in her math class. As a parent, what do you do? To you, her homework looks like some jibberish written in Egyptian, so obviously you're not going to try and TEACH her how to make sense of this Egyptian jibberish. Instead, you would help her to find someone (aka a tutor) or do something (ie ask the teacher for extra assistance) so she can pass her class. Now, this is where there's a little grey area. As a parent, how much effort do you put into this? Do you personally go talk to the teacher and arrange all the after school hours for Betty, and just make her go. Or do you simply say, "Hey Betty, your grades are slipping, you better do something about it." Or do you do some variation in the middle of the two extremes? Thats where it would vary from kid to kid and family to family.

K.. So back to cheer. We're gonna think of cheer as adv. trig. As a coach, I assume my kid's parents weren't all olympic gymnasts when they were 17. So I assume that I know slightly more then they do in the subject of cheerleading. So, comparing it to the school story, I'm like a teacher. If you would like to push your kid to do better in adv. trig., I would like to think you would ask your kid's teacher what you can do. So, as I tell all my parents, don't be afraid to ask! If they think Betty needs extra help, they'll tell you. And if they think Betty is doing fine without it, they'll tell you! So, your coach says Betty needs help and suggest taking private lessons. As a coach, some of my favorite parents are the ones who don't stay the whole time and ask me afterward how things are going, because it puts pressure on the kid with mom sitting there the whole time, and I find they get disstracted and are paying more attention to Mom's face then to my instructions. So, back to the privates. You take Betty to the gym, and lets just say home is an hour away, and the gym is the middle of no where, so you have no choice but to stay at the gym. Is it possible to become an expert in adv. trig. in a half hour tutoring session? Well its not possible in cheer either. Trying to teach your kid how to tumble at home is one of the most dangerous things you can do, and one of the easiest ways to teach Betty a bad habit that will be almost impossible to break in years to come.

Bottom line is, parents, you are expert parents and I would never tell you how to raise your kid. Coaches are experts at what they do to, so, as hard as it is, sit back and let us do our job. I know its hard, and these are your babies, but this is what we do.

-Amac

Date: Thu Feb 9 11:32 AM, 2006

And even though they are our babies..... just like we want them to succeed, so do their coaches. The coaches want to win those trophies MORE than we do. Remember that. If you find your child is looking at you during practice, look away. Don't let her react to your facial expressions. Let the coach be harsh with her if they need to be. We want our kids to be happy but they can't learn to get this on their own if we monitor every single move.

I am there at every practice for my kid. I sit just where I can watch, but I also go walk around, talk to other parents, etc..... If she needs something, I wait for her to come to ME... I don't ask her if she needs anything. If you can't do this, go outside. Anything more than that is too much. She goes to school all day and you aren't sitting across the room. She will survive 2 hours without you. I promise....

Thanks Amac. Perfectly perfectly perfectly spoken.

PS.... I suck at math.

Date: Thu Feb 9 4:02 PM, 2006

Wow amac, i didn't know you were an olympic gymnast at 17! congrats! which games were you at?